We all have voices inside that try to limit us. Here is an inside look at how I dig myself out of my spiral. I am sharing here because I preach #lovealltheparts. I can love this part too. There is wisdom in anger. Even in despair. It's the movement of energy when it's stuck under depression (or a cold, in my case). The internal dialogue, even, is just trying to protect me.
Welcome to my post Christmas death spiral show down. Wise mind versus Cruel Ellen. Ding. Ding. Ding.
"Oh my fucking god. His mean words are still beating the shit out of me." Rather, I am still beating the shit out of myself with some guys mean words.
Truth is I was able to be more present, loving and kind to myself and others than ever before this year. Miracle!
However, now I am home and I am a twisting ball of fears, angers, physical sickness and tensions rattling around wreaking havoc on my system.
The sneaky pervasive thoughts that are emerging seek to stifle my voice and cut me off at the knees. Brutal. "You aren't good enough. You can't even change the smallest of your habits. You will never achieve your goals. Your way of doing things is pathetic. You are worthless. You'll never make the money. Being homeless is a tried and true option."
Wise mind claws her way back to the present moment. "Where... are ... my ... hands?" I managed to get up and start my morning routine the voice trailing behind me. "You're literally four hours late to this routine. You might see him in the street and you'll look like shit and he'll be glad he dumped you. You can't play the guitar. You will be stuffy at your show. Can't you see how pathetic you are!?"
Meditate. Dance. Read. Write. Visualize. Affirm.
Then thoughts like "If the man I am seeking is seeking me, then I might meet him on my walk today! What if I wrote my book proposal today? I get to pick a friend up from the airport! There is dance tonight!"
Shower. Brush. Moisturize.
"But you are pathetic and you will never reach your goals. But if I think like this I will never reach my goals!!"
Snap. I wrote to two friends who I love in anger. "Why aren't you different!? Why don't you actually love me!?"
It didn't take long to turn that one around. Sorry guys!
The therapeutic point:
The movement from depression (complete powerlessness) to despair to anger to self awareness to inspiration to action is what Abraham Hicks would consider climbing the emotional scale. We can't always jump from despair to inspiration but we can jump from despair to anger. Anger gets energy moving. It's not the final destination but can be a useful depot. Find out who won the fight at my blog
Anger can be hurtful and damaging if directed at self or others. Some
suggestioms for mitigating the harm.
1. Be sure to feel the sensations in your body and stay with the flow of it as anger leads you into action.
2. Let yourself be carried into whatever's next.
3. As you boil over remind yourself and the person you are talking to that you are just mad. If you have a request you can make it but usually it is better to wait if you can. If you still care after you exercise or tomorrow you can start a conversation. I am not always able to hold out so I tend to say nice things about myself (which is decidedly weird) or just keep saying "I'm mad." I try very hard not to attack though sometimes I do. That when I...
4. Apologize as soon as the head clears. Take responsibility.
Let me know how it's going !
“If you think you're enlightened go spend a week with your family” - Ram Das
I am here to make your holiday a little more delicious with a sneak peak of samples from my brand new Holiday Survival Guide for Conscious Creators. If you received this in email form, read the bold for new additional tips.
Going home for the holidays can be incredibly stressful. I know for me, the weight of my family patterns would have me stuffing myself with food that hurts my body, and drinking too much in no time at all.
Before all of that starts it's time to access the time honored and tested resources that leave us feeling good and present enough to really connect with family and friends through the lens of love.
It's not that I do not love and treasure my family - they are actually super important to me and I cherish our short amount of time together.
However, the family of origin is where we came up with many of our limiting patterns to begin with. It is where we practiced them into believing they were true about us. You've already done the hard work of rattling yourself free - let's keep you up to speed.
The good news is...
1. You don't have to suffer through the holidays like I have. This guide is complete with the tips and tricks that keep you on track with living your vision before, during and after the holidays.
Plan your food! Most diet books right now adivse that it is not HOW MUCH you eat but WHAT you eat that determines your weight. The good news is they are right. The bad news is they are WRONG!
It is BOTH what you eat and how much that determines your weight. But aside from weight, we want you to be in love with your beautiful body and enjoying the deliscious food avialable during the holidays. If you fill up on the cheese platter it is likely you wont enjoy dinner. It's just logic.
Step 1: Make a deliberate, 100% commitment to eating the right amount for your body. Speak this commitment to yourself in the morning when you wake up every day. When you remember, say it again in your head. When you are eating, say it again in your head. Note if you are eating for the taste (which is fine btw!), for hunger (which is fine) or because you are feeling anxious or uncomfortable. If it is because you are feeling uncomfortable ask, "What do I need right now that will allow me to feel relaxed, gracious, and noruished." Listen for the answer.
Plan your exericise! My siblings and I started a new tradition where in between breakfast and the arrival of my cousins we would don our santa hats and go for a jog. This made the brisket dinner and brie cheese way easier to enjoy! See if you can rope your loved ones into forming healthy habits that support you. Spike your endorphines with jumping jacks and squats. Or, set a ten minute timer and get your dance on. You can dance anywhere.
2. We are not victim to or at the will of our circumstance. I will show you how to remember your resources and get empowered again when you fall off track, which you probably will... again and again and again.
Top three in the moment self soothing tips that you should have been taught in elementary school:
Feel your physical body with your own hands
- Hold your own hands. Internaly remind yourself you are there with yourself
Use your hands to rub small circles on your arms and legs.
- Really pay attention to the contact your are both giving adn receiving
Count 5 things in the room
- Describe them in detail. I.e. There is a dark blue rug with white wavy lines running
3. Family shows us where we still need to work so we cam strengthen our resolve to be healthy conscious contributors to our world.
If you start to get stressed and feel self doubt about your life choices - switch the focus of the conversation to your family member.
- Ask open ended questions like "What was the most exciting event of your year?"
The guide is full of sample conversation questions
Love Love Love yourself
- Shame is a huge shame. Are you a human? Are they? We all experienceshame. It's really okay. Even if you "mess it up" you get to love that part of yourself that hates you and thinks you should just give up and live on the streets already. The truth is you have made the heroic decision to live your life your way. Remember this like a little seed of hope sitting in your palm. Even if you have not seen the results you would like to see in your business or creative endevors yet, you are a badass and you are on your way. You don't have anything to prove.
Try This: Stay focused on how you want to feel in every moment. If your mind starts to beat on you, ask that voice what it really needs. If you can give it what it needs in the moment, go ahead and do it (i.e. a glass of water or a walk alone). If you can't, promise you will later and go ahead and make that happen as soon as you can. Don't abandon yourself. Really follow through on these internal requests. This builds trust in yourself.
The holidays bring us together, but true connection starts within. '
If you are spending time with your family or origin, this is a survival guide born of my years study and practical experience that will allow you to thrive.
This guide can be your life line.
Get practical advice on:
1. Pre-planning - Get yourself set up for success
2. Emergent during content - If shit hits the fan, you'll have a plan
3. Aftermath solutions - We'll get you back to feeling good in two shakes
PLUS you get unlimited text and email contact with yours truly! I'm here for you :D
Happy Holidays, Lovers.
As always, feel free to reach out. I love to hear from you.
I used to be a post break up hair cut woman only. In the desperation of a break up I would think, "Yes, a scalp massage and a fresh look is just the ticket to feeling better."
Also, they will listen to you and call the guy a jerk. Haha.
Through the work of aligning again and again with who I am being becoming - allowing my insides to match my outsides, which is a lifelong moment to moment journey, I have found that the type of woman I am is the strangest blend of high fashion and hippie. The gifts we receive through seeking alignment are those magical moments when we align and it feels different. We have grown.
I had a moment last night where I was in a mall trying on those @stuartweitzman boots (gah-damn!!!)
((It was just for fun Mom, don't worry. I'm saving those for my first six figure year ☺️ ))
It was this head spinning moment of not recognizing myself. Who is this lady!? I felt momentarily disoriented. I felt a mixture of shame, fear and sadness.
But then it hit me. I feel congruent! I feel like me!!!! The newness that I did not recognize was not an illness. It was a new version of myself emerging. Those feelings of fear became feelings of peace. That's a reason to celebrate.
When we take the time it takes to strip away the cultural and familial overlays that we believe limit us (they don't!) and step fully into ourselves, we may find a surprise awaiting us.
Love, I think you would be surprised: Surprised at who I am now, surpirsied at who you might be under there.
So a huge THANK YOU to @jillkeyes1 for the amazing stylings.
Thank you for allowing me to learn about hair, for facilitating me feeling beautiful at The Santa Land Diaries. (Go. It's hilarious).
Thank you for allowing the grace that is a woman who is no longer just a post break up hair cut kinda hippie who is me to emerge by pushing off of me and kicking me out of your life.
Tony Robbins (and many other spiritual teachers), invites us to ask better questions. Instead of me reacting from feelings of stress (reaching for wine or tinder 😉),
I think by asking "How can I really relax and nourish myself right now?" and letting that answer flow, I find out just how beautiful and pleasurable life can be. I can find myself in the mall (of all places - used to be allergic) trying on beautiful boots and realizing I am really showing up as me.
What questions are YOU asking yourself? How can you reframe them if they need to be reframed, so recieve the answers you actually want?
#leadersoftheheart #lovealltheparts#selfactualization #dharmadart - if you like this check out my blog at www.Ln7e.com
"I want to see some cool yoga poses," he said. "Here's one," I said... "it's called joy!" ☺️ #dharmadart#lovealltheparts #leadersoftheheart#tinderdates
In the past, my anxiety was so intense that I would just want to stay home and hide under my blanket.
If you feel this way too, it's okay. You're not alone!
Even my dog friend Bodhi 🌟 feels the same way at times ....
First things first put your feet on the floor and notice the living sensations in your toes. The heat or cold. The little zings of energy zipping through your body. Now imagine one tiny little step you can take towards fulfilling your vision for your life. Just an inch. Listen. Listen to the space. Listen for the answer. Then act. One tiny little inchy inch. Check out www.Ln7e.com for more info or send me a message ☺️
"If you let yourself be successful you will be successful." - Yogi Tea Wisdom
I have been the type of woman who is sensual and in touch with my body, AND I have been so afraid of losing control.
Let's just fess up to the fact that most of us are walking breathing paradoxes.
Can you relate?
Yes, I know where that comes from (trauma). I know what reinforces the limit (physical brain pathways reinforced by habit over time). I know why. I know where in my physical body I hold on (head and neck, shoulder blades, tummy - where and what do you hold tight too?) and yes it helps to know myself (mindfulness and the work of human thriving).
Yet, I recently learned through my dance practice, just how to make a full commitment to surrender. In my physical body - I am learning how to feel surrender to the flow of the music and the hardwood floor. I allow that to ripple into my life. I have successfully let go. More than once.
I can feel this enormous wave of success emerging from me. Ringing outwards through all of us. So cheers: To all the ways I held myself back for fear of being too big, or for fear of offending you, or for fear of you not liking me, or for fear of you getting mad at me, for fear of being attacked, for fear of fear itself.... for fear of being out of control, for fear of being seen in that out of controlness by you and being judged for it. I've been there! And it really wasn't so bad.
Cheers to surrender. To letting myself be. Successful. Cheers to our success. Ooo ooo! If you feel inspired, tag someone who you think is a bright, Wild, spirited success.#dharmadart #leadersoftheheart#lovealltheparts #yogitea
Love starts in our own hearts. It is available at any time.
If you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed:
1. Place your hand on your heart
2. Bring to mind someone who loves you unconditionally. A grandmother, a pet, the sun.
3. Allow the feeling of receiving love to wash over you.
4. Reverse the flow. Know that this feeling is coming from inside of you from your memory and state of mind. Send the love back to the object of your attention.
5. From your heart radiate outwards - glow with the feeling of love - make it as big as your body, then as bog as your aura, then as big as qthe planet, out to the very edges of your imagination of the universe and beyond
The love you are able to feel is the love you receive.
"Any startling piece of work has a subversive element in it, a delicious element often."
-Bodhisattva, Leonard Cohen (1934-2016)
To make real transformation in your life you have to know what you want. It has to be your prescious dream. I have a hallucination that when we each step fully into our own unique niche there will be room for all of us.
1. Set a timer for 15 minutes and just free form write about what you love.
Allow it to be silly. Don't judge yourself just yet. Be uncensored. Write down what you care about. You don't have to be good. Just allow yourself to be. Get detailed.
2. Go back through and highlight the words that stand out to you
Sort through what you have written about - see your reflection in the words.
3. Keep it quite.
Allow what others think to fall away and step into your own opinion of yourself. You don't need to proclaim it just yet. Just do this in your head. Do it only for yourself. Keep this like a secret seed of wisdom that you intend to protect and grow. This is an idea at its most fragile.
4. Envision it.
- See it. Watch a movie of who you would be if you already had the result.
- Say it. Call it into existance. I like this phrasing from Acoustamata: "I allow myself _________ with grace and ease."
- Feel it. Do this until you can feel your physical body aligned with what you want like it is happening in the present moment. The feeling tone is what creates the outer reality.
Have you ever heard that "What we resist persists?"
I have seen how Donald Trump inspires a mix of disgust, fear and hatred.
Here's how youcan deal
1. Reach into your own experience for where these "negative" qualities exist in you
2. Bring love to those parts of yourself that you don't like or even hate. Your least favorite parts. The ones you wouldn't even want your best friend to know about...
3. Hold those qualities in your awareness with love. You are not saying you accept the behavior. You are saying that you love yourself unconditionally and you know that those expressions are just poor strategies for trying to get your needs met. The same goes for Trump.
Accept that his behavior is that of a child that hasn't been given the tools to thrive and allow the world, your world, to change as a result of your loving actions. Go. Now. Do the thing. It's urgent and we need your voice to be powerful enough to end this madness. Operate from a place of peace. Be so transparent and self loving that any arrows hurtled your way go right though you.
I recently learned that I have wanted to be a songwriter all along by reading old journals filled with goals. I just wouldn't let myself have the dream. It was buried beneath the belief that I was not good enough. Who was I to want to be a famous songwriter!?
1. Use your imagination to dream a little - what would make your life a 10 in the areas of body, relationship, career, and money?
Now, how could that be even more. How could you share it? What do you see? Who are you talking to? What are you wearing? What do you look like? How does your body feel? Get the details?
2. Ask, what is something you've "always wanted" but never let yourself have?
I wasn't able to do this for myself on my own. I wanted to be a singer / songwriter, but my coach was the first one to say it. I am so grateful that she took that risk with me.
3. Pushing gets a bad wrap.
Even though this was recorded at a time when I was still terrified to play in front of people, I managed to record and post this video. This is the power of will. It can get you pretty far. What it didn't do was allow me to delight in and enjoy my expression. I used to watch this video and think terribly mean things about myself. I felt so much anxiety. So much shame. Now I can listen to this video and love the timber of my voice, the courage I know past Ellen mustered, and consider myself beautiful.
4. Give your dream room to breath. It needs you. We need you. Tell someone you trust about it even if you are totally embarressed by what you make your longing mean about you.
Wouldn't you rather live in a world where people are self actualizing and giving their gifts? Me too.
Compassion + Integrity = Powerful Leadership - What's your vision for the world?